Things have taken a turn for the worse...

It was a long day at work. A tough day. I just wanted to get my tea and watch some shite telly. Hollyoaks was pretty exciting earlier in the week, so I tuned in to t'Oaks +1. I was distraught, disgusted, shocked, outraged.

Thankfully I hadn't checked in with digitalspy.com earlier in the week, as it would have dropped the bombshell in a crude way. The headline for the episode was: "Max dies". Descriptive and succinct, indeed, but this news is shocking to say the least. Hasn't the poor guy had enough bad luck? Both his parents died in quick succession, leaving him to look after his much younger brother, Tom (the best actor on the show). He married Evil Clerr, who stole his money, ruined his life and then tried to kill him. Luckily his best friend OB saved him in a dramatic and moving scene. Alas, OB left Max for that bint Summer Shaw (unacceptable advertising Lloyd-Webber, shame on you). His sister Cindy returned, tried to scam him like Evil Clerr had done (minus the attempted murder) and was generally a bad egg. She was never that bad before. [For those who have forgotten, Max's first sexual experience was with that huge ginger lass, many moons ago.] We thought for a second that things might at last be alright for poor Max when he managed (after several troubles) to walk down the aisle with Steph, in an episode featuring many of Hollyoaks' old friends (in addition to OB and Cindy, Mandy returned, as did some middle aged woman who I don't remember well). So what happens? Max is run over and killed, in front of OB and Tom (that kid will need therapy), by Evil Niall.


It's too much! I'm so disgusted by this that I really will stop watching the rubbish (and, as a result, stop banging on about it via the medium of stroppy blog).

Couldn't things have just gone well for the newlyweds? Couldn't we all enjoy a happy ending? I'm sure many viewers would appreciate that. Isn't that why Gavin and Stacey was such a success? Isn't it quite a happy tale (if not, please don't correct me with details - I'm not far through series 1 yet!)? Surely it's a happy tale - it was reviewed as "life-affirming joy". Come on, t'Oaks, get some inspiration - sort it out!


Perhaps the saddest thing about this post is this: the only reason I'm writing is because Steve the cat needs the toilet, refuses to go out as it's raining heavily (fair enough) and I don't want to make things worse for him my filling the sink to wash the dishes!

technology dy(so)nasty

Technology is advancing incredibly. My MoonMac comprises some super handy features, like a dictionary and thesaurus appearing with a cleverly directed mouse-swoosh, the ever handy stickies (on screen post its) reminding me of things to do AND of course, unbeatable prettiness. The nintendo wii empire is ever-expanding (great way to capitalise on a computer games + health niche). I never quite got the hang of my iSight, incidentally (no surgery gags required). Mobile phones now have so many superfluous features that you can buy a handset that merely makes calls and sends texts for a tenner. Legally! Apparently some phones have a barcode identification function - who can complain about that?!

So it's clear: technology is amazing.

And it only gets better.

I'm delighted to have spotted these in various locations now.



Yes - it's the Dyson Airblade. A wonderful invention! The water is not blown away - no - it's sucked away. With great force. It's an amazing experience. Also a good way to encourage people to wash hands (I hate seeing people at public toilets leave without even a rinse).

Check out the Dysons!

(Munch can you identify the location?!)

Moonwalks. A bit funny. But quite quick.

Yes the Moonwalk was a success - the full 26.2 miles were powerwalked in 6 hours 52 mins. Could have been quicker, but sod beating my time - that would mean doing the challenge again.


Check out the balloons sticking out my head!

I enjoyed doing something new, and will consider future charity feats - suggestions welcome (incidentally I'm thinking more along a great north run style line than a head-shaving one).

The important thing is that we raised quite a bit of cash. Aren't we good?!

Munch's Bagpuss bra deserves a medal. Mine wasn't meant to be orange. The dye said black. Other t shirts in the same wash went black. Everything but the bra went black. A miracle.



The event was quite a spectacle, with lots of highly decorated bras and plenty of flesh on show. My friends walked behind Michelle McManus for a time. Before overtaking her.

Eat your heart out, Chris Martin

You might need to click to enlarge - apologies for the quality of the scan.

Those with a musical eye (yes, not ear) may note the lack of dynamics. It was intentional. I considered a "forte" around the mad middle bit (bars 9-12), then thought better of it.


Perhaps I should do something a little more productive now the Apprentice is over...?

Please resist making the obvious comment...

...but crabs are everywhere.

I am sick of being frightened by crustaceans. They're on adverts every day. I heard on the radio this morning that Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall cooked a dish from "things found under rocks" (we all know what they would be) and I've just spied someone using a "comic" crab microphone on E4. Hideous. And eeevill. Why would such a vile creature be so popular? That Heineken ad with the lobster (you remember, "executed like a true continental") with plain wrong. No one would have bought Heineken after that. It should be boycotted purely for crustacean use, "flip-flapping all over 'er face". Makes me mad. And don't even get me started with that pathetic animated Capital One crab. What's in your wallet? A crustacean, probably.

Spam spam spam and eggs

Junk emails seem to be being written increasingly lazily. Does anyone ever fall for them?



The author used the term "Uk bank", which sound as naff as ugg boots, and didn't care for how many zeros were placed in the fictitious value of supposed savings.

I'm wicked and I'm lazy....


Sorry for the lack of contact of late. Having a rubbish office PC dramatically reduces my blog time. Perhaps a good thing...

Last few weeks have been spent training for the Moonwalk (I imagine there'll be a post about that some time next week), writing up some papers (drafts of only), finishing off teaching commitments and all the marking, module evaluation reports, exam meetings and other general admin crap that accompanies it, enduring the red jelly bleedy eye saga of strabismus correction surgery, schmoozing with the hot surgeon, rekindling relations with dance mats and saxophones, watching endless DVDs (I can't at last partake in conversations about Y Tu Mama Tambien), being amused by spending an afternoon drinking in a pub called The PyeWipe, getting a little over excited about the Apprentice, feeling well tired of Hollyoaks, resisting the crap of BB and considering whether it might be worth getting tickets for Glastonbury. Why hype up the fact they sell out so early, when only half the tickets are up for sale? They always release tickets gradually. Always!