Things have taken a turn for the worse...
It was a long day at work. A tough day. I just wanted to get my tea and watch some shite telly. Hollyoaks was pretty exciting earlier in the week, so I tuned in to t'Oaks +1. I was distraught, disgusted, shocked, outraged.
Thankfully I hadn't checked in with digitalspy.com earlier in the week, as it would have dropped the bombshell in a crude way. The headline for the episode was: "Max dies". Descriptive and succinct, indeed, but this news is shocking to say the least. Hasn't the poor guy had enough bad luck? Both his parents died in quick succession, leaving him to look after his much younger brother, Tom (the best actor on the show). He married Evil Clerr, who stole his money, ruined his life and then tried to kill him. Luckily his best friend OB saved him in a dramatic and moving scene. Alas, OB left Max for that bint Summer Shaw (unacceptable advertising Lloyd-Webber, shame on you). His sister Cindy returned, tried to scam him like Evil Clerr had done (minus the attempted murder) and was generally a bad egg. She was never that bad before. [For those who have forgotten, Max's first sexual experience was with that huge ginger lass, many moons ago.] We thought for a second that things might at last be alright for poor Max when he managed (after several troubles) to walk down the aisle with Steph, in an episode featuring many of Hollyoaks' old friends (in addition to OB and Cindy, Mandy returned, as did some middle aged woman who I don't remember well). So what happens? Max is run over and killed, in front of OB and Tom (that kid will need therapy), by Evil Niall.
_2330_max_dies.jpg)
It's too much! I'm so disgusted by this that I really will stop watching the rubbish (and, as a result, stop banging on about it via the medium of stroppy blog).
Couldn't things have just gone well for the newlyweds? Couldn't we all enjoy a happy ending? I'm sure many viewers would appreciate that. Isn't that why Gavin and Stacey was such a success? Isn't it quite a happy tale (if not, please don't correct me with details - I'm not far through series 1 yet!)? Surely it's a happy tale - it was reviewed as "life-affirming joy". Come on, t'Oaks, get some inspiration - sort it out!
Perhaps the saddest thing about this post is this: the only reason I'm writing is because Steve the cat needs the toilet, refuses to go out as it's raining heavily (fair enough) and I don't want to make things worse for him my filling the sink to wash the dishes!
Thankfully I hadn't checked in with digitalspy.com earlier in the week, as it would have dropped the bombshell in a crude way. The headline for the episode was: "Max dies". Descriptive and succinct, indeed, but this news is shocking to say the least. Hasn't the poor guy had enough bad luck? Both his parents died in quick succession, leaving him to look after his much younger brother, Tom (the best actor on the show). He married Evil Clerr, who stole his money, ruined his life and then tried to kill him. Luckily his best friend OB saved him in a dramatic and moving scene. Alas, OB left Max for that bint Summer Shaw (unacceptable advertising Lloyd-Webber, shame on you). His sister Cindy returned, tried to scam him like Evil Clerr had done (minus the attempted murder) and was generally a bad egg. She was never that bad before. [For those who have forgotten, Max's first sexual experience was with that huge ginger lass, many moons ago.] We thought for a second that things might at last be alright for poor Max when he managed (after several troubles) to walk down the aisle with Steph, in an episode featuring many of Hollyoaks' old friends (in addition to OB and Cindy, Mandy returned, as did some middle aged woman who I don't remember well). So what happens? Max is run over and killed, in front of OB and Tom (that kid will need therapy), by Evil Niall.
_2330_max_dies.jpg)
It's too much! I'm so disgusted by this that I really will stop watching the rubbish (and, as a result, stop banging on about it via the medium of stroppy blog).
Couldn't things have just gone well for the newlyweds? Couldn't we all enjoy a happy ending? I'm sure many viewers would appreciate that. Isn't that why Gavin and Stacey was such a success? Isn't it quite a happy tale (if not, please don't correct me with details - I'm not far through series 1 yet!)? Surely it's a happy tale - it was reviewed as "life-affirming joy". Come on, t'Oaks, get some inspiration - sort it out!
Perhaps the saddest thing about this post is this: the only reason I'm writing is because Steve the cat needs the toilet, refuses to go out as it's raining heavily (fair enough) and I don't want to make things worse for him my filling the sink to wash the dishes!
posted by Moon @ 8:13 pm
15 Comments:
At 10:15 am,
Tombola said…
Are you saying Moon, that your cat (no, it's not even your cat) pisses in your sink?
At 11:09 am,
Moon said…
Try telling Steve he's not my cat. But no. I thought it would have been mean to get a tap running whilst he was sat, legs crossed, nearby. No-one deserves that. As soon as the rain calmed down he pelted outside. And I washed the dishes.
I'm quite embarrassed I posted (1) about how distressing t'oaks was and (2) Steve's toilet habits. It was awful though - I wasn't the only one to have felt so agonised by the telly. I didn't cry (unlike some people - Rach), but was instead disgusted at how stories can't have happy endings any more. What a glum world!
I won't mention it again :(
At 11:42 am,
Tombola said…
Sorry Moon, I took it to mean that filling the sink would have prevented Steve from using it as a latrine.
No need to apologise for writing about Hollyoaks. I've not watched for a long time but I remember when it first started and was sold as being a jolly, fun alternative to Eastendersesque miserablism. It was all Kurt Benson hanging out with his guitar and Jambo with his car with mouse ears on. That was of course when Alvin Stardust was the landlord of the Dog in the Pond. FACT!
Sorry to see Max go (I'm not actually sorry, it's a TV show) as he was one of the nicer folk on there.
Hang on a sec...didn't Cindy die of leukemia? Oh no, that was Dawn.
At 1:46 pm,
Moon said…
Good 'Oaks memory AND trivia, Prof! Ah, the happy early days... It has improved since then in many respects - the soundtrack is more hip (Tom McRae was delighted he was played in an opening scene) and the directors recognise the unrealistic beauty of the characters (remember Alexander? The Albanian? "All the women are so attractive in Chester"). I just wish it didn't have to be so morbid. Sasha and Fletch are on the smack, Amy's being beaten up, Steph's happy day was firstly ruined by Myra McQueen (troubled over the search for her son) revealing how Father Keiren's doing the wild thing with her other son, before finding her new husband dead... It is Eastendersesque! But prettier.
At 1:47 pm,
Moon said…
, ml;-====================================90`zzzzzzza`Ω
At 1:48 pm,
Moon said…
sorry for the last comment - Steve wrote it all by himself.
At 1:57 pm,
frankien said…
I had to tune in for the omnibus after you told me something had happened (I read this after so it didnt ruin it for me). It was so depressing.
Tom is right about Alvin Stardust, he was in hollyoaks. Though I was surprised that he didnt mention his sister knew someone in it (Lee?).
Re cat latrine habits: you need to pick him up and throw him out when he needs the toilet. one day you'll be sorry you left it so long.
At 10:31 pm,
Moon said…
Just to clarify: Steve is a cleanly cat. He does not use the cat tray, as he likes to go outside instead, hence being so pained during the evening of the heavy rainfall. He does not use the sink.
He brought me a mouse at 5am this morning to say thankyou for the new gourmet tuna I treated him to. Not such a treat for me.
I have known three (3) different people who have been extras in Hollyoaks. Evil Nige drinks in Idle, where he lives. Neville Ashworth is a landlord in Burley and Mercedes McQueen's been spotted in Greggs in town. Beat that, celebrity spotters.
At 6:29 pm,
Tombola said…
I can't remember his character name (it might well have been Lee. He was the brother of that one who cut herself and was fit but then left and turned into a lads mag boot) but a lad from our school was in Hollyoaks that's right. He was in my sister's year. I sort of knew him too, but not a lot. I once had a chat with him on a train for half an hour. The highlight for us in Hollyoaks was when he dropped in the name of one of our teachers. He's in Emmerdale now, I think nobbing Marilyn from Home & Away.
At 9:14 pm,
Moon said…
Yeah she's dirty. Gemma Atkinson. Sometimes she "headlines" dirty clubs in Leeds. Dirty. "Celebrity glamour model" indeed. Dirty.
I believe he was called Lee, yes. I had initially assumed you were referring to Bombhead, but I think that's because the actor's name is Lee. Ah, what you can learn from Soapstar Superstar.
Is Marilyn still around? She was busy dancing on ice last time I deviated from E4.
At 9:21 pm,
Moon said…
You know if you wikipedia (I like how that's become a verb) a place, there's a box on the right of the page detailing key stats, like population, the flag, main language etc, or with an animal you get the same box with scientific classification stats... Well for some reason I've just wikipediaed* Dirty Gemma A. What's in her box? Measurements (34E) and dress size (10). Dirty.
* Wikipied? WikiPDiddied? Wikiwikiwildwild?
At 9:24 pm,
Rach said…
1. NEVER be ashamed for watching t'Oaks.
2. Never stop blogging about it
3. Why did you not just combine Steve the Cat needing to urinate with your need to wash your dishes? He could have peed on them and washed them for you.
xxx
ps. Max is going back to direct t'Oaks - saw it on that Jimmy Carr quiz show thing about audience polls.
At 9:43 pm,
Moon said…
Hellooo big sis. I hope you have recovered from the antics of t'Oaks. Yes I heard that too about Max. I hope he'll make Tom King of t'Oaks.
re: Steve pissing on the dishes - perhaps not. He brought me another mouse this morning. That's the second this week (still live, still squeaking). I also found a decapitated magpie in the driveway at the weekend. Lucky me. Hope Mr & Mrs Mousy Mouse and Mr Toady Toad are doing better than the wildlife of Leeds.
At 9:46 pm,
Moon said…
Look what Nov 2008 brings: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Late_Night_Hollyoaks
Featuring (just like the other one off Hollyoaks things) a cliffhanger (literally*) and, no doubt, some bad language and boobs.
* I heard another great incorrect use of "literally" earlier:
"It literally breaks my heart whenever I hear her cry...". Really? Does it? You big fibber.
At 5:27 pm,
Moon said…
Thanks for that Bernard, you disgusting beast.
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