Eugenics

So Fabulous Willy won Crufts. He does look like a fine dog, but not as fine as the terrier, which looked a bit cheeky, or the bloodhound, which was quite sedate i.e. not daft. Of course I know nothing about what constitutes an award winning dog. But I prefer the ones that look smart, as opposed to unquestioning dogs. I watched Foxy and Levi dance incredulously. It was an amazing performance, but it made me think of a world in which we are entertained by cats on stage and waited upon by monkeys. It's all a bit ridiculous, don't you think?

As fabulous as Willy may be, I just don't know why anyone would choose to adopt Willy's offspring (probably having Willy's sister as a mother). Yes, he's a grand looking dog, but we all know what happens when you in-breed. Look at the royals. Let Willy roam free with the terrier and create some incredibly bearded smarter dog. He'd get up to mischief and would be much more entertaining on a Pedigree Chum advert.

I think I would like an Airedale Terrier cross poodle cross bloodhound cross St Bernard. So a big long-muzzled non-malting dog with a fringe, beard and wrinkles. Please do not pick up on the comment I made on Tombolablog recently about how pets resemble their owners.

Moon. xxx


I know the feeling, son.

try-hard-trendies

Hello all,

Spring is in the air, hurrah! This means that SAD is at last waning, birds make odd noises as they've got the horn, and students make the short-skirt-no-tights mistake and subsequently shiver, as because it's less dank it's still pretty cold. All these things please me.

As my mood has lifted I have been going out a little more. I know it is a recurring theme to moan about the oddities of club nights etc, so I shall not disappoint.

At some point relatively recently (since I last went to a "trendy" night out as opposed to a dirty dive of a club like Shitzys in Lincoln) men began spending longer beautifying for a night out, than women. I know that men take pride in their appearance, and they have done for some time. That's nice. But these days they all try to look like Russell Brand. Or Vince Noir. The tight black trousers (or, heaven forbid, the white ones) look ridiculous. And for some resaon they tend to be favoured by the stumpy male. Add to this a starched white shirt and your choice of braces or a neck scarf. Only true Trendies can carry off both. Of course the severely sculpted facial hair is an absolute must. But sculpt it so it looks like you've coolly happened across the style, rather than tried to imitate the "Born to do it" pose. Similarly, substantial time should be taken to "mess up" the hair. A layered cut is most flattering, with an especially short cut for the crown that can be messily "spiked" (although remember that hair should be drenched with curling produce beforehand. True spikes would be a no no). If, by any chance, you are a fair haired male, this style is not for you. Brand isn't blonde. You should go for a more tidy cut. Embrace that straight sweapt fringe look. For both the blondes and brunettes hair length should be somewhere between the ears and chin for optimal styling. For daywear, pull on plimsoles. A chequered pattern seems popular. At night, go for some bright white flat and slightly pointy shoes, to match the shirt. And voila! You look like a try-hard penis.

Luckily, female fasion is slightly more flattering these days. I should stock up on tummy hiding dresses whilst I can. However I'm not so sure about (1) the vile patterns in the shops, (2) the love of green (ugh) or (3) their length. I know it's trying to reflect styles of the 60s, but the intention was to mix it with the 80s themed leggings. These dresses should not be worn with just the pants. When girls raise their arms for some jiving, well, it is frankly indecent.

It's been nice leaving the office in favour of people-watching lately. But I'm tired of it now. Situations involving the Trendies are accompanied by pushing, claustrophobia and being reminded that life is hard at bars when you're <5 foot tall. Incidentally I went over 2 months without drinking, which was an impressive detox.

Moon. xxx