cf.

It has recently come to my attention that I quite possibly make a disproportionate number of comparisons between myself and others on a daily basis. I pride myself on being an independent, healthy-egoed individual. Perhaps a little too much so. (If I'm ever feeling down I remind myself that there is no one else I would rather be. What a revelation of vanity for a usually light hearted blog!) However the past few days have been illuminating. I only have 2 examples, though.

Firstly, I shall admit my superficiality via the medium of blog (would rather it be through my favourite medium of dance, but alas, tis too troublesome on the web). Over the weekend I went to visit my sister's new house in Banbury, during which time I was roped into gardening - a subject well worthy of its own post. However whilst there my beloved sister (and she is) kept showing off how thin she is. For the first time ever she is thinner than I. As a result I am now living off passion fruits and mangoes until I reach her size or, if really lucky, less than that.

For my second example: I was thrown into an interaction with a "colleague" this morning which left me outraged. So much so that I had to walk out, which rarely happens. ....(you've all read it by now)


OK, Moon on a bad day, granted. But I could not inhibit these comparisons. The sister comparison may be more logical, although pathetically trivial. Sibling rivalry is normal and competition has its evolutionary roots, arguably anyway. And because I'm being a vain lard arse, that requires no more discussion. But the second case really was infuriating, which was puzzling as (s)he was being one hideous human being, displaying awful traits. Is it normal to feel competitive with people that are so awful? Why can't the ego kick in and tell me that I am a better person?! The bitterness of having lost out in this situations remains, and this is not an admirable trait in itself.

In conclusion I think the only mature way in which to deal with this conflict is to kick in said "colleague"'s face. Fisty cuffs time.

Moon.xxx

PS I had promised brighter posts, but it appeared I lied. Sorry about that. Perhaps next week. If we're lucky.

PPS Sorry Ak, no spider pics. But I have been observing a veritable banquet of creepy crawlies today!

Overworked Underpaid...

Just wanted to moan about the past 3 weeks of my life. 'Tis a sorry tale. The OU has been a misery. My students are very demanding and I have been especially stessed out. I just wanted to post about this to apologise for my foul mood of late, and also to set something straight: my job involves more than just boozing and inappropriate student-tutor relations. It is hard work. And when I scoff at people calling it the OC: there's a reason for that. Trust me, the students aren't glam. I hope none of them choose to read this. If they do: well done, I like you. You have shown research potential and a high level of IT knowledge. May I recommend that you apply this knowledge to the programmes of SPSS and E-Prime in future? I look forward to working with you.*

*Note how the "shit sandwich" style of constructive criticism has been internalised.

Don't worry, Ak, I won't beg for comments. This post is merely for my selfish needs of getting something of my chest.

Brighter posts to follow next week.

Moon.xxx

I started so I'll finish...

...with a commentary of the BB finale. Like a book it has to be seen through to the bitter end. And people-watching is without fail an interesting task, even if the people on BB are detestable. But I won't discuss its inherent tackiness or its sordid appeal. So what am I trying to say here? Well, I tell thee...

Despite being irritated beyond belief over the discussions about housemates' "journeys" over the 93 days of BB-dom, the end of their journeys are extremely emotional, and I'm not sure why. Also I'm not sure what emotions are felt exactly. But when these dispicable characters walk up the stairs and await their first few seconds back in the "real world" I do find a rogue tear strolling down my cheek. Is this relief? Sadness? Utter empathy at the general extremity of the situation? Or just sad that BB is drawing to an end? I don't know, but this is one journey that should not be emotional. Can anyone shed light on this? I started properly bealing when they played Snow Patrol.

I'm also unsure as to how Channel 4 can get away with allowing such crazy characters into these situations. Most of them have a history of some kind of neurosis, at least, and some contestants this evening looked like they were seriously going to crack. I think that is wrong and would like to boycott the series as a result. Well it's too late for this year. Maybe next.

So amongst the excitement of the evening something quite distressing happened, and perhaps warranted a worthy tear or two. Whilst sat on my ever-encompassing sofa with my four cheese delight pizza, garlic bread, choc fudge cake for pudding (I didn't manage it all) and a can of (this is a worse revelation than crying at BB) Woodpecker, I saw a dark figure on my leg. It was this.





Although the spoon is there for scale, you forget that this is a large spoon. 32 inches. No exaggeration. And that this beast is quite horrific. It ran off after posing. My last flat was infested with horrid spiders with pincers (not great for my crab/crustacean phobia, but I coped) and I'm not surprised that spiders have followed me here. But these beasts are not very nice at all. Zoom in, go on, dare you.

Sob.

On the plus side that latest Girls Aloud song cheered me up when it was played earlier.

Moon.xxx

Leigh, Vegas, Alexarndreacgh...

I have recently had an epiphany as to why I dislike Aisleyne from Big Brother. Aside from the fact that she is an irritating, manipulative tart (in the truest sense - watch this space for further posts on this topic), she also irritates me because I can't spell her name. Even though I'm not that fick, really, and she bloody well is. Why is it that chavs try to confuse us with bizarrely spelt names? Exasperating. Irony #1.

I recall some fine graffiti written on the wall of Gainsborough Tescos: "Leigh is a kidy fidla" I bet in this instance that it was "Lee", too. Irony #2.

Incidentally, when testing in chav schools in Chester-le-Street (near Newcastle) as part of a research job a couple of years ago, I came across endless examples, almost all of which escape me now. However Vegas was there. Her sister was some similar American tacky place name. Oh, the fallibility of memory.

Moon. xxx

Travelling, like, totally changed my life

(As I begin to write that Picture advert is on... hideous)

Upon commenting on my own blog (pathetic) about Australian accents, I have been reminded of yet another high-quality piece of Emirates entertainment. Actually, further research revealed that said entertainment was aired on every flight into Australia. And rightly so.

Mid tacky film, circa 45 mins from landing in Australia, services are interrupted with a mini-documentary of the finest kind. Steve "legend" Irwin. It goes a-little something like this (huh)

NB Please imagine Bogen accent. I can't be arsed to write in it.

"I fought crocodiles, snakes, deadly spiders... (film = Irwin fighting said snakes etc, He also put his 7 day baby near a croc once, didn't he? Wanker)
"But you know what's really scary? (film = Irwin putting his face near a remarkably sweet looking sniffer dog)
"...Bringing corn into the country!"

And it goes on. So, Irwin is immigration conscious. Maybe he's alright after all. You arrive to yet another stuffy airport. But this time (this is the best bit) you are greeted by a LIFESIZE cardboard cutout of Sir Irwin himself. Please, if anyone can, steal one of those for me. For Christmas. Birthday. Anything!




Irwin straddles a croc.



I can't find it on youtube. Can someone help me out, here?

No more pokees!

This will be the last posting for a while... have blog fever!

So Australia apparently has a gambling problem. I think that sounds a bit racist. But just about every pub has an arcade style back room full of the pokees - fruity machines, although not old-school gambits (admittedly we didn't have those at school, despite growing up in Lincolnshire) as they are armless. They were addictive, but luckily no long term effects were suffered, mainly due to only being in Australia for 10 days. Akira, on the other hand, may be a little worse for wear by the end of September.

I won about $7 one time. Ace!



This pokee theme did lead to the naming of Tombola's right nipple, "Pokee" (he kept getting the left one out, which was called Puka Puka after a Maori named bridge we passed. See, we did take note of the cultural "thang").



I feel, seeing as (1) I've been on holiday and (2) I have a nice new digital camera, that I maybe ought to include a landscape pic, seeing as I have so bloody many of them. This is where we stayed for a few days, where we saw the whales etc (Kaikoura).



Here are funny phallic kiwi door stops:



And finally, I went for a meal in a Japanese restaurant in Wellington one night. This amused me greatly:



Now surely if they were that amused by Uglies freaking out, they could have just put some bouncers on the door?

That is all for now.

Moon.xxx

Shit diaries

Further to Tombola's plug of my whale vid:

It's a fine whale. A trained eye willl note the water turning a murky brown right at the end of the video. It's only quick, but it's there. Doing the do. (Although I'm not saying that Betty Boo crapped in the sea.)

Moon.xxx

PS Get me - loads of blogs!!

Plane food

Now I can't moan much about Emirates. They were excellent, and their entertainment top-notch. But the food...



I had requested a veggie meal, incidentally. But apparently I hadn't given them enough time. Hence the uncooked sausage smile.

But when they do give you veggie meals they don't give you any cheese. Can't they find veggie cheese? It took 41 hours to get home and almost went mad. Had to get straight to the fridge for a good wedge of Austrian Smoked.

Moon.xxx

Hollyoaks is actually very good

That is all.

FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Which baby are you?

Greetings, traveller.

How are all in the world of blog? It has seemed so quiet for some time (frankien's fine post on adverts aside. That was a treat) so I thought something should be done about that. This post is intended to kill two birds with one stone (metaphorically, of course. As a veggie I don't want to kill any birds. Even those rubbish pigeons with manky legs - they have a hard time).

Firstly, I have to mention an email that my sister has just sent to me, entitled "which baby are you?" It's a forward (see second point) in a horoscope style, outlining personality characteristics of individuals born in each month. Adjacent to each of these assessments was a .gif of a baby. (They can only be viewed as a still, not sure why. Not sure what I'm doing with this blog, really.) On the whole they were of normal-ish babies, with a slightly moving mouth, or waving or something. However July and November made me laugh and I wasn't sure why.




Now baby pictures like this are pretty trippy. Why do people like them? Who makes them? The tellytubbies baby in the sun is really weird. Remember those calendars with smiling babies sat in clouds? I rest my case.

Secondly, someone actually sent this on. There are ENDLESS examples of wrong forwards. What is surprising is the kinds of people that actually forward them on - my sister is not a bad person, and she has a credible sense of humour. Yet I'm always receiving these kinds of things from her. Maybe I'm on the receiving end of her credible sense of humour. Hmph.

I am especially sick of those "if you don't forward this in the next 2 minutes you will die" forwards. They are just cruel.

Might start a new blog feature of hideous forwards. And it will last, of course. Just as the dream diary feature lasted so well. And the Big Brother updates (still watching, by the way. Still need to get out more).

Holiday was great, thanks for asking.

Moon. xxx