Whilst I'm at the toilet, I'll just...
...take some pictures of the latest wave of vending machines for your perusal. And what have we here? Nothing less than a veritable banquet of products.
Let's look at them a little more closely...
#1
First up, in case you quite fancy giving it a go with the bloke who works at the garage that you've visited for a toilet stop; wipe on pheromones.
The first time I saw these it didn't state that they were human pheromones, but this one, thankfully, does. I still don't know whose pheromones they extracted though. Are pheromones generic in their attractiveness? Or if you happen to be wiping on the 'mones of a vile tramp of a girl who is larger than life (fat), fond of the white mini skirt and keeps her Lambert and Butlers in her pram, what exactly are you going to attract? Other than an alsatian? Call me boring, but I have no intentions of testing these out to see. I would encourage other people to, though.
Assuming success with the 'mones, you may well want to check out machines #2 and 3.
#2
How exciting! A real interesting range of shapes to choose from. My apologies that the picture isn't totally clear. I was a little concerned that the cleaner would hear my camera working whilst I was in the toilet, so I had to be hasty. I'm not sure if it's visible, but the thing that concerned me was the text at the bottom. I had clearly misunderstood the purpose of the exciters. "Insert £1 coin". Surely it won't fit. I also like the warning that other shapes may be available. I bet that means that the interesting shapes are all bananas. Speaking of which...
#3
Captain Condom! Assuming that the Cpt stands for Captain, of course. As opposed to capitulated. Or captured. Capstan. Capability. Cap full of terd. The interesting thing here is that (see text at the base of the machine) the buyer is meant to peruse the selection available. All I can see available is a cartoon condom with a coil wrapped around him (the new double Dutch, perhaps) and a banana on its back.
I left the garage having purchased some chewing gum and a bottle of water.
Moon. xxx
Let's look at them a little more closely...
#1
First up, in case you quite fancy giving it a go with the bloke who works at the garage that you've visited for a toilet stop; wipe on pheromones.
The first time I saw these it didn't state that they were human pheromones, but this one, thankfully, does. I still don't know whose pheromones they extracted though. Are pheromones generic in their attractiveness? Or if you happen to be wiping on the 'mones of a vile tramp of a girl who is larger than life (fat), fond of the white mini skirt and keeps her Lambert and Butlers in her pram, what exactly are you going to attract? Other than an alsatian? Call me boring, but I have no intentions of testing these out to see. I would encourage other people to, though.
Assuming success with the 'mones, you may well want to check out machines #2 and 3.
#2
How exciting! A real interesting range of shapes to choose from. My apologies that the picture isn't totally clear. I was a little concerned that the cleaner would hear my camera working whilst I was in the toilet, so I had to be hasty. I'm not sure if it's visible, but the thing that concerned me was the text at the bottom. I had clearly misunderstood the purpose of the exciters. "Insert £1 coin". Surely it won't fit. I also like the warning that other shapes may be available. I bet that means that the interesting shapes are all bananas. Speaking of which...
#3
Captain Condom! Assuming that the Cpt stands for Captain, of course. As opposed to capitulated. Or captured. Capstan. Capability. Cap full of terd. The interesting thing here is that (see text at the base of the machine) the buyer is meant to peruse the selection available. All I can see available is a cartoon condom with a coil wrapped around him (the new double Dutch, perhaps) and a banana on its back.
I left the garage having purchased some chewing gum and a bottle of water.
Moon. xxx
posted by Moon @ 8:30 pm
6 Comments:
At 4:25 pm,
frankien said…
I didnt know that garages even had public toilets. It sounds like a horrendous garage. Next time youre in that situation I dare you to go to the desk and say you put a pound in the machine, but it didnt dole out its wares. Do it. Sorry for ignoring you at the weekend- your text did amuse me greatly, I was just a bit preoccupied as decided to go to Nottingham after all.
At 6:28 pm,
Moon said…
I'm afraid I have no intentions to return to that particular garage. It was somewhere between Newark and Leicester. The woman working there was very friendly indeed and the toilet was clean. I cannot really fault it. Apart from being concerned at Captain Condom's novelty shapes.
No worries re: text. You went to Nottingham! Hope you had lovely time. Will call for details. Unless you wish to impart through the medium of blog...
At 10:58 am,
Tombola said…
This reminds me of a blog from a few year's ago that someone from school did. From reading the comments page, it appeared that her and her mum would only communicate via the comments! So you'd have her mum saying 'glad you're doing well dear, hope to see you soon, love mum' and her replying 'hi mum, how's nana?' etc etc. Bizarre. And the blog was shite too.
At 10:59 am,
Tombola said…
PS
I'm not implying your blog is shit moon.
At 12:26 pm,
Moon said…
I should hope not! It's a heartwarming story you recount, Prof. Blogging enforces the importance of communication; making it easier. Reaching the parts that other mediums cannot. How is Nanna, by the way? (Note how I spell it phonetically, as opposed to the abreviation for banana.) She still making toffee?
At 12:27 pm,
Moon said…
I can't remember how to edit comments. Without deleting them. Abbreviation only had one b!
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