Day 2 in the Big Brother hoose...

And already it's that time again... In so many ways it doesn't seem a year since geordie twat Anthony boogied his way out of the hoose with the meagre winnings of £50,000. Yet it is!

I often wonder whether it's wrong to get so much pleasure out of this horrendous TV production, as despite the fact that the contestants enter themselves into this show, they always seem to think that they will be strong enough to withstand the humiliation and bitchiness that lies inside. Yet the contestants are usually such social anomalies that their predictions are misguided. They inevitably leave the house dejected and suicidal, greeted by a sea of "boos" from an unsympathetic London audience. However, it is great telly. So I justify this in two ways: Firstly, BB is a social experiment. At least it was for the first year or two. But it certainly is interesting, as social beings, to observe interactions in a limited environment. Why else would we watch soaps? It sure ain't for the acting in Hollyoaks (and I'm not partial to high-maintenance bleach blondes or headingley-esque bemulleted trendy indie kid fashion). Secondly, it is interesting to see what the nation warms to in an individual. Previous winners have included camp extrovert Brian whats-his-face (Dowling?), girl nextdoor Kate Lawler, virginal Scottish Christian Cameron, and a Portugese tranny. And the aforementioned geordie thicko. Two of them, I think. I see no theme.

Anyway, let's peruse this year's line up:

Bonnie - clearly depressed and can't speak properly. Coming from Loughborough is only part of the problem.
Tourette's Pete - too much to say on this one. Contrived, though. I hope.
Mikey - sexist twat. Fit, though.
Imogen - Welsh. Everyone will heart her for obvious reasons. And not that she's Welsh.
Dawn - second depressed housemate. She should win and realise that life's not that bad. Like her, the cynical beast.
Glyn - Welsh #2. Thinks he's hot. Not.
Leah - boobs. Responsible for best quote ever on BB: "well if you're ugly you should spend 10 grand on yer face". Brilliant. Look at her.
Geroge - rah. Regrets going in there already.
Shahbaz - Scottish Muslim queen. He's so happy. Already hated by alpha males everywhere.
Richard - the sexual terrorist from Canada. "Mountie".
Grace - rich Londonite dancer. But not posh. Stick thin.
Lisa - deaf Mancunian. "'iya. Y'oright?" are the only words in her vocabulary. Like her a lot. Entertainingly gobby.
Sezer - "Sezer's Palace" (x2). Rich arrogant potential apprentice winning sod. Fit.
Nikki - footballer's wife wannabe. Fick. Dirty.

I love every one of them. Could obviously never live with any of them. Apart from being on my telly for the next 12 weeks 24/7. I am delighted.

Who's with me? I know they're awful, but it's such good telly.

Moon. xxx